I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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