Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
