Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
