There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
