I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize