He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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