why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
