You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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