just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
