I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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