best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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