Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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