there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
