My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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