My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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