At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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