I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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