lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
