Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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