i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
