Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
