ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
