i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
