Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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