she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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