My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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