i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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