i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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