In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
