there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
