If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
