Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
