idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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