No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
