So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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