my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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