I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize