he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
