Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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