The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize