gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
