The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
