Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
