I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
