she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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