I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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