yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
