I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
