never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
