I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
