What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
