I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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