She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
