R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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