No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
