Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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