He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
