I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
