Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
