just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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