So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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