Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
