I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
