Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
