I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
