I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
