i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize