whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
