Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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