i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
