I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
