I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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