We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
