a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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