but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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