i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
