i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
