How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize