i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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