I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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