brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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