I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
