just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
