All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
