I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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