there's paper in my vomit.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
