Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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