I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
