Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
