the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
