Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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