so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize