And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
